The Past

Growing Up – Part 3 (tw)

This post is continuing from my last post.

The times that I didn’t hang out with Joe or visit Harry, me and my brother would just go off on adventures together. We would mostly just roam the streets, the local school and our local church which had a small Victorian cemetery. At the side of this church was a pub, that had a beer garden that connected to the cemetery. We would walk to this beer garden every now and again because they had a fenced off section which contained various animals. The ones which where closest to the wall we was stood at where a couple of turtles. These were really quite tiny and both me and my brother gave them names.

One day whilst I was alone and visiting these turtles, a much older lad called Lee was walking through the cemetery and shouted me over. When I realised who it was, I immediately became very anxious. You see, Lee was known to be hard lad in the area, and a bit of nut case. I hesitated but walked over to where he was. He placed his arm around me and we began to walk off out of the cemetery. Walking in the direction of home he lit up a fag and offered me one, which I refused at first, but after a while of being called a baby and stuff I decided to accept it. This was the first time I had ever smoked and when I took my first drag I immediately began to choke and cough. Of course Lee would be laughing at this so I continued to smoke it regardless.

As we was passing the school that I attended, he walked us both down a back alley behind a row of houses. There where several unoccupied houses that had been broken into and vandalised. He walked us into the back yard of one of these properties and into one of the old out houses. As he reached the back, he turned around and told me to face the garden at the doorway so I did. After about a minute or so he grabbed my right hand and pilled it around to the back of me. It was at that stage I knew what was happening. My hand was placed on his penis and his hand was on top of mine. I felt like I was going to pass out with the amount of fear and the feeling of panic filling every inch of my body. He pulled my trousers down and began to masturbate. I remember even to this day as the tears rolled down my face, just how much cold it felt as the wind hit. It was almost like those tears froze, just as I did myself.

After he had finished doing his thing, he just up and left. He didn’t look at me or say a single word, he just left. I pulled my trousers up and collapsed to the floor. I don’t think I have ever cried so much in my life as what I did then. I picked up a broken piece of glass and held it to my chest, just wanting to push it in. I wanted to kill myself so much at that moment in time but I just sat there, with my back against the wall, till it finally got dark several hours later.

This incident with Lee was a one off. It never happened again thankfully. But as far as Joe and Harry goes, it was to continue for several more years yet…


5 replies »

  1. Hi, just wanna say, um wow….I have read your three posts about your past and the terrible CSA and it is very uncomfortable to read and made me feel horrible just to read it, and makes me angry that disgusting perverted men took advantage of you like that. It is amazing that you are here to tell the story. I bet it must of been a huge struggle to write it. I cannot imagine the horrors that you no doubt have to deal with regularly from flashbacks, nightmares, triggers etc… following on from that.
    Those abusers should be locked up, and everyone of them disgusts me.
    I am so unbelievably sorry to hear what you endured through, and somehow made it through all that.
    I wish you and your family peace and that you will continue to heal….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, thank you. It was incredibly difficult to write about but I felt it was something I finally needed to do after all this time. I am hoping that by writing about my experiences I can help people who have been through similar and also help myself in the process. I think it’s also important that people know that this kind of thing happens

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes it does happen! I do know all too well. You should not have to protect yourself from predators within the home (which should be the safest place) but unfortunately this happens and goes on too.
        You feel like you cannot trust anyone!

        Liked by 1 person

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